Master Cleansin in Kingsport, TN

Master Cleansin in Kingsport, TN

The Master Cleanse.  My sister and her husband just recently completed this.

The Master Cleanse is, essentially in its most simplest explanation, a 10-day fast.  You cease eating solid foods for a minimum of 10 days while only consuming liquids (and those liquids only being water and an altered lemonade concoction).  The lemonade concoction consists of fresh squeezed lemon juice, organic Grade B maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and distilled or spring water.  This lemonade will fill you up and satiate your physical hunger, but you will suffer from the inevitable cravings of someone in desperate need of food that requires chewing.

The point of this Master Cleanse is to rid your body (and primarily your intestines) of “toxins and remove the cravings associated with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and eating junk food” (courtesy of Wikipedia).  Wiki, you are my ambassador of knowledge.

My sister says that it is a test of will and it really does make your mind, body, and soul feel healthier and better during and after the process.  I’m not normally big on these meditational/hippie/yoga sort of things, but I am intrigued by this.  I have been fasting on Thursdays for over 5 years and am intrigued by this Master Cleanse.  Do I think I can do it?  I don’t know.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love to eat and that I’m a self-professed foodie.  In addition to drinking about 6-8 glasses of the lemonade a day, you also have to take a laxative tea the night before and down 32 oz. of warm sea-salt water every morning.  The purpose of the salt-water in the morning is to cleanse out your body in the morning.

And how exactly is that accomplished you may ask?  Well, it’ll have you crouching on the porcelain, dropping kids off at the pool, goin’ number 2, handlin’ ya bizzness, etc, etc.  So, I figured I should be able to get through at least a couple of books throughout this Master Cleanse, seeing that my literary horizons are best enhanced with time spent with my porcelain BFF.  Oh…please believe…your ass will be crappin’ like a constipated hippo.  Hey…shit happens.

I even found a health food store out here in Kingsport, TN where I should be able to get most, if not all, of the ingredients I should need to kick start this cleanse.  I’m gonna try to start this cleanse on Wednesday, so I’m trying to get all my guilty gastronomical pleasures out of the way before I start.  Tenia comida mexicana esta noche (I had Mexican food tonight) y mientras escribo esto, estoy bebiendo una botella de Dr. Pepper (and while I write this, I’m sipping on a bottle of Dr. Pepper).  I’ll grub on some continental breakfast tomorrow and then have my last supper before the cleanse.

For more info, Google “Master Cleanse” (or click on that link).

Kingsport, TN is fairly scenic ( at least in comparison to the other boondocks I’ve frequented ).  It’s in a mountainous region.  It kind of sort of reminds me of Monterrey, Mexico.  Monterrey is enveloped by mountains, which is absolutely stunning.  We are doing a startup at an army base – which should be interesting when we go on-site for the first time tomorrow.  I’m curious to see why they are using steam-operated sootblowers.  Most of our clients use steam to generate power, but why would an army base need it?  My Guju co-worker, who is out here with me, told me that he doesn’t ask questions.  Being brown, that’s all I need to hear.  Do your job and keep your mouth shut.  I can live with that.  It ain’t exactly the best time to be brown and tick off the government.  Ain’t gonna be no Harold and Kumar in Guantanamo bay here.  No siree.

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