Microconfused

Microconfused

A month ago, I set out in finding out exactly what kind of career related opportunities there were for me. I guess you could say that I was a little dissatisfied with my job and my employer, but it was really more about my curiosity than anything.

So, I anticipated a lengthy process of at least a few months, but I was shocked to realize that there was more interest in me out there than I had anticipated. So, the process ended up expediting itself a lot quicker than I had envisioned. With that being said, I found myself in a professional quagmire; an employment quandary. There was a solid offer made to me by a company I had interviewed with a few weeks back. I was able to buy enough time to give myself 2-3 days to mull over that very important decision. I don’t know exactly what I had set out to do in the beginning of this entire process: actually find another job or just drive up the price enough for me to feel satisfied at this current job. I don’t know, maybe in the back of my head, I was just looking for enough leverage for my company to slice the necessary provolone to placate me for the time being. Either way, I found myself microconfused.

I had to choose between small company and mid size. I had to think long and hard about what was best for my career and for myself. I literally suffered a sleepless night the evening before I had to make my final decision. I think that I knew deep down that I was afraid to get out of my comfort zone and take on a new challenge. It is so hard sometimes to let go of a comfortable situation, even when you know it may be best for you to. I don’t know if I didn’t want to leave because I was very comfortable or because I was too afraid to challenge myself, but I struggled with these very same insecurities and doubts up until the last minute before I placed my final call to my employer.

Here is the thing though: I actually might have stayed with my current employer if they had negotiated even somewhat with me or at least made me feel as though they wanted me to hang around. The bosslady (the boss’s wife and the lady who handles payroll) met with me a few days before and we discussed my reservations and what I was looking for. I expressed my concerns and she told me she would work out something that would work for both of us. The next day, she called me with the final number and basically told me, “ain’t shit we can do for you…but if you hang around, maybe things will work out ok”. So, after our discussion and after I reiterated how much I did NOT want to leave the company, she refused to budge even one bit on the way things were. She remained status quo on the situation. That REALLY bothered me.

I mean, I was just looking for a bone, any bone to be thrown my way to at least seriously consider staying with my current employer – but I was given none. To me it signified that the company didn’t value me as much as I thought they did and that they weren’t even going to try to persuade me to stay. I mean, that REALLY stuck at my craw. I think that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I didn’t want to make my decision based on frustration and/or anger, so I slept on it. I woke up the next day not feeling any differently than the night before. And after talking to my cousin/agent Tesh Shah (my brown Jerry Maguire), I realized that this was an opportunity that I couldn’t let pass. So, after days of contemplating the pros and cons of leaving and staying, I made the mind-numbingly difficult decision I knew deep down I had to make. I pulled an okie-doke, a no-look hook on my current employer. I accepted the job offer with the other company.

I wrote both my boss and manager a letter of resignation detailing how much I appreciate the opportunity they gave me to grow as a professional and as an engineer. They wrote back and told me that they completely understood my decision, had no hard feelings, and said that maybe our paths can cross again in the future. They also said that if I ever need anything, just contact them. So, I think both the company and I are in agreement that this was the best decision for my career and myself. I am not sure how the new job will be and how grueling it will be, but this is a decision I had to make. I was starting to feel very stagnant and bored at my current job.

So, my last day will be somewhere in the middle of April. I look back at my time at my current job very fondly and very positively. I could not possibly have asked for a better 1st job. So, my time here is winding down and I am hoping to tie up any loose ends I may leave here and maintain a positive relationship with all my co-workers. Right now, I am feeling a collage of emotions. From anticipation to fear to uncertainty – very similar to that feeling one has before the 1st day of school, or more appropriately, the 1st day at your new job.

If I had a glass, I’d raise it to Microfusion and toast to the great memories and experiences I’ve shared with the company and its employees. I will miss being able to wear Batas to work with jeans and a hoodie. I will miss being able to be the same person I am at home at work. I don’t know, maybe some of these same luxuries will be afforded to me at the new job, but I doubt it. All good things do come to an end….but something tells me that our paths will cross again…

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