I got a case of the mondays – no doubt. I just flew back in from Chester last night and I’m back in the office in the A today. I always have to readjust myself the first day or two back from Chester. Over there, I feel like my brain is in standby mode, not being utilized at all. When I get back here, I have to change gears and start critically thinking. That transition always take a day or two. I feel a little mentally uprooted every time I leave or come back. By the end of next week, I will have worked 25 of the last 26 days. Wow. I mean, it ain’t like I’m doing laborious or stressful work, but still. I’m having a hard time remembering my last day off.
Anyways, I’m hoping to enjoy my week off (and by week off I mean my week away from Chester). I have a few things I gotta take care of at home with my family, but besides that, my slate is clean. I want to maybe get a head start on studying for the GREs and just catch up on some flicks I haven’t been able to see (Into the Wild, Darjeeling Limited, The Kingdom, etc.). I also want to interview with a few companies who were interested in me – this week may be my only time to interview for at least another month, so I want to get some of that out of the way while I have some time. And, I gotta do my taxes before I head back out next Sunday to Chester. I’m hoping to get at least as much as last year (which would be enough to pay off my Cabo trip).
Sometimes, when it comes to my career, I just want to be simple. Why can’t I just be happy with getting paid and job security? I feel like even if I hit my big payday, I will feel as though I should be doing something else. As if I will always be dissatisfied with my work until I have my “dream job”. Why am I so difficult sometimes? I sometimes wonder if being in engineering and getting paid well will be enough – and I don’t have an answer to that – and that scares me. It is that indecision and uncertainty that makes me question the job that I have and the career which I’ve chosen. Why can’t it just be enough to like your job and have financial security?
Do I have to be chasing the dream deferred? I’ve thought about going back to grad school and maybe pursuing journalism. If I go back, I want to go back and study something I am passionate about, something that profoundly resonates with me. I refuse to go back to get a degree so I can make more money, because honestly, I can do that without the degree. The only 2 reasons I may go back to school is to either write or eventually become a professor. I really think that those are my only 2 options. Either that or stay with what I’m doing and hopefully receive my big payday and call it a day. There are a few goals in life that I have : marry a good woman, have good kids, and have a GREAT job. If I can have 2 of those 3 (the GREAT job being what I don’t have), then I think that would be enough. I don’t think I have to LOVE my job, just like it…but it sure would be nice.