Some Things Don’t Never Change

Some Things Don’t Never Change

Word on the street (as in my moms called me earlier today) is that my brother made an aggregate score of 110 on his PSATs. To my understanding, the max score is a 240 – so he did less than 50% on the test – and he scored less than a 30 on one of the sections (either Math or Writing) – and the lowest possible score is a 20! Damn homey…I got this growing sense of trepidation that this cat may not be college material – I haven’t given up on him yet, but I’m running morbidly low on optimism…

I mean, I have even contemplated putting him into some SAT preparatory class or something, because at least then, he has a legitimate shot at doing well enough on the SATs to earn admission into a decent school. I KNOW FOR A FACT that if he keeps doing things his way, he will perform horrendously on the real SATs – I know that that is a certainty.

I’m running overwhelmingly scarce on options here. I really don’t know what else to do – and it just keeps getting worse. I’ve seen ZERO signs of progress and now, I am officially beyond worried. I don’t really know if he has just become stagnant or if he’s actually regressed – it is tough to tell. Maybe he’s always been the same and has never felt the urgency to alter his routines and habits – I don’t know. What I do know though is that if he continues to wallow in this status-quo policy of complacency, then he is bound to live a life equal in struggle to that of my parents. Life will not be easy for him and he will have to bust his ass twice as hard to make half as much as other educated folks. He better be very careful – he is toeing a very real and very dangerous line.

I long for the days when I was preoccupied by the struggle between optimism and cynicism – when at least there was discernible hope. I feel at times that I’m fighting a losing battle.

What possible difference can I make? Is the inertia that’s been built up from his academic futility irreparable and irreversible? I’m having a difficult time accepting the possibility of my brother actually just being average, and maybe even below average in terms of intellect. He’s good at science and social studies, but deplorable in math and English. I mean, you at least got to be proficient in your weakest subjects; at the very least coherent and quasi-knowledgeable. The very minute that I actually give him the benefit of the doubt and actually sustain some faith in him, he makes me look like an oblivious fool. He has an unfortunate way of always justifying my skepticism.

Life is going to be a rude ass awakening for him. Reality will hit him with the force and velocity of a bullet train. Every time I hear some academically detrimental news regarding my brother, it feels like deja-vu – as though I’ve grown eerily accustomed and all too familiar with his intellectual regressions.

Some things don’t never change (but Lord I hope they will)…

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