Man, oh man, planning a wedding is a biatch! I’m not even fully planning one and I feel the pain. I’m just helping my sister put the finishing touches on her wedding and I’m starting to observe how discombobulated and stressed out one can become when planning the biggest event of their life. I can’t even imagine to what physical and mental threshold I will be pushed to whenever I decide to settle down and tie the knot. There are just SO MANY things you have to worry about and so many minor details you have to iron out before the big day (I know, I know – duh!). I think that probably for most couples, marriage is a lot about joy, but also a lot about relief that things more or less went according to plan. Relief has an ironic way of amplifying and accentuating joy, doesn’t it?
I think that when my matrimonial time comes, I’m going to try my best to have everything planned out and confirmed at least 2-3 months before the actual date of the wedding. That way, I can spend most of my time focusing on what actually matters to me the most: the food and the entertainment. I don’t demand much, but I gotsta have paneer. And I will somehow have to incorporate mushrooms into the wedding lunch and/or dinner one way or another. The only preferences I have for the wedding are good food and good music. I don’t even want all the attention on me – I want ZERO attention on me. My wife can have all that – weddings are more about the wives anyways. I just want people to act an uncivilized fool and enjoy themselves. I want people to leave my wedding not remembering when they’ve ever enjoyed themselves more. I want my wedding to be all about having a good time – absolutely nothing more and definitely nothing less.
You know, I think the biggest discrepancy that presents itself during the course of planning a wedding is that between the parents and the actual engaged couple. It’s like everyone wants to do the wedding and reception their way. Especially in Indian weddings. My sister wasn’t so keen to the idea of having a traditional Indian wedding – but she gave in to the idea. I think initially she did this to mainly placate my mother, but I know that there is a part of her that has always wanted to do this whole wedding shabang the traditional way – so I doubt she’s losing any sleep over it.
Anyways, my sister is trying to keep it simple, and it’s become entirely more complicated than she wanted or anticipated. Now, imagine the folks who try to have an extravagant wedding; that must be difficult and stressful as hell!!! I’d just as well rather have a wedding on some beautiful, remote foreign island. I’d invite everyone full well knowing that probably only a quarter of the invited guests would come. But that would be cool.
Something simple – maybe on a beach somewhere or on a cliff overlooking the ocean or something. Something very serene, exotic, beautiful – yet simple. No need for the incessant luxuries and exaggerated expenses. I’d prefer to keep it simple and intimate. How cool would it be to get married in sandals and shorts on the beach? When the hell did I become so simple and nonchalantly aloof? I think I used to want this big ol’ traditional Indian wedding, but now…not so much. I think that in my previous relationship, I had come to embrace the idea of a big, traditional Indian wedding because that was how it was going to be if things had worked out. And, truth be told, I too have been manipulated by the beauty and opulence of Indian weddings I’ve seen in Bollywood Hindi flicks. It’s like all brown folks are born with this heightened knowledge and awareness of marriage – like we have it embedded in our DNA. We are surrounded by the discussion of marriage and inevitably face the pressures of family and friends coercing us to wave goodbye to the single life. Americans look at you dumbfounded if you’re rushing to get married while brown folks look at you like your dumb the longer you wait to get married. Just a teensy weensy bit of difference, huh?
I’m fortunate in that I’ve felt little pressure from the ‘rents or family. But, please believe, please believe, during this upcoming wedding – I will be getting asked about this very topic of matrimony over and over and over. I already know – especially with me being the MC, people are going to be asking, “whose kid is that? Is he married?”…but you know what, that stuff stopped bothering me long ago…I actually think it’s kind of funny and a little flattering…people gonna say what people gonna say – and people shore as hell gonna do whatever the hell people want to do…so I just go with it and smile…my moms even tried to convince me to email some random girl about the possibility of marriage…I then proceeded to shake my head, laugh, and roast the hell out of my moms…I told her, “I ain’t desperate – yet”…brown people are hilarious…
I even think it might be kind of cool to go backpacking through some foreign country or continent as part of my honeymoon. I think nothing brings people closer together than traveling. Now, mind you this, all the above mentioned details and opinions are the way I would want things to be, but it really all depends on who I actually marry and what their mindset is. I’m willing to accommodate, but a man can dream, can’t he?