The Return of the Yankee Hater

The Return of the Yankee Hater


As winter slowly fades from our memories and spring begins to bloom, I (the preeminent,
biased, loathing Yankees Hater) have returned. I am NOT here to be apologetic or optimistic about the Yankees chances of winning their 27th World Championship; instead I am here to do what I have always done and what I do best: hate. My heart, my mind, and my soul are intertwined in one sole purpose: to anticipate the annual demise of the Yankees and to antagonize every single fan the Yankees have – especially my cousin who is a die-hard Yankees fan – or in other words…a loser. I am back with cold-blooded, ruthless vengeance. I am fixated on the annihilation of the smug remarks and looks that Yankees fans give other fans every single year. There will be NO JOY in Mudville this October in New York. Come October, the Bronx will be as quiet as a dorm room of an Indian student at IIT. I am salivating at the disappointment of a team that will take the field this year for the Yankees. I mean, c’mon Steinbrenner, the New York fans have had enough misery with their Knickerbockers – just sell the team and move them to the garbage dump that is Jersey City. Let them toil there in their own decay and erosion. Please let October come, please!! Do I really have to wait 7 months to witness the Yankees demise?? Can we just fast-forward to that bittersweet feeling I will have come October when the Yankees are NOT in the World Series??? It’s similar to how when people have sex, especially guys, people want to forgo the actual love-making part of the love-making and get to the euphoria they will feel once achieving climax. Do we really have to play the entire season to validate what I know??? I cannot be stopped at the 1-yard line, will not be stopped from taking it to the hole, will not miss the putt, will not have my free-kick blocked, will not be tagged out at home. I will not be denied the ecstasy of knowing that my hate has been vindicated and justified. The Bronx Bombers will go down like A-Rod’s Q rating in New York. The Yanks will fall like an inebriated drunk at 4 in the morning.

How can one of your star players, your most highly paid player be so sniveling, insecure, and sensitive??? He needs a hug, someone please hug that man. Chien-Ming Wang is due for a letdown – he had a great year last year, but my money is on the fact that he will have a letdown year. If he can put together back-to-back good seasons, I will then be on that wagon. Rivera is 1-year older and I highly doubt that Jeter can put together another MVP-worthy season again.

Johnny Damon came out with the remarks that “we are the best”, but he was quick to point out that they will have to prove it on the field. The best??? With a suspect pitching staff and unproven, overpriced players, how can he say that they are the best??? I think that Andy Petitte was probably a good signing, but how much do they possibly expect him to contribute, he has been hurt for parts of the last two seasons. I think New Yorkers are hanging on to the images of the old Andy Petitte from years ago, from the championship years. The offense will surely be explosive, but will be inoculated and tranquilized in the post season, just like the past 6 seasons. They are playing in a division with an improved Red Sox team and and rising Blue Jays team. I think that the Yanks will make the playoffs, but as my cousin constantly reminds me, “we don’t play for the playoffs – we play for world titles”. So by that line of thinking, anything sort of raising the championship trophy should be deemed a cataclysmic disaster, correct?? So, they will once again fall short of the championship and I will be once again seen rejoicing with the masses of Yankee haters across the globe when that final out in the division series is made and the Yankees are sent home packing again.

The Yankee hater is as vociferous and vigorous as ever. It feels great to hate.

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