The Beautiful Struggle

The Beautiful Struggle

Ever felt like life was a redundance of verbose things, a daily reoccureence of the same damn events? Seems like being in the A for my entire life has been gnawing at me for years, it’s got me scratching that unknown itch in my head. I love the A, and even moreso, love the South, but when is enough, enough? Traveling, seeing the world, broadening your horizons, and all the melodramatic shit can be the gift and the curse. It’s a gift in the sense that it opens your eyes and exposes you to new and profound experiences, all of which you can gain something from. It’s a curse in the sense that you are forever changed, your perspective on things change and you suddenly go from being a simple-minded individual accustomed to things being either a or b to someone who ceases to be satisfied wherever he/she is. Will I ever be able to settle comfortably anywhere, or will I alway be left feeling unsatisfied, always feeling like there is more? Will it even matter if I travel the world entirely, from Mogadishu to Tokyo? Won’t I always just feel the same? Won’t I always feel like I need to be somewhere else, that I can’t stay positioned in one place for too long? Will that itch ever go away? Daily events become mundane and everything has just become too familiar, too repetitive, and life has become too damn predictable. Trust me on this, this is one of those things that doesn’t go away, but the more it festers in your mind, the more it bothers you and the more agitated you become. How can I not think about it even though I know that I need NOT think about it? Family obligations weigh my mind down and obliterate any guiltless decision I could possibly make. Ever felt like you were being dragged down with the weight of everyone on your shoulders? Should you take that weight off and be better off yourself, or suffer the consequences of the overwhelming responsibility and pressures of others? I lack the patience to even think clearly sometimes, feeling like I will regret decisions not made. My mind wanders all the time, clearly in search of something unclear. Friends and family have blended into one large amalgam of deja-vu residue. I hear the same things and am drenched in the narrow-minded mindset of my environment.

Ever felt like you knew that you weren’t exactly where you wanted to be, exactly who you wanted to be, even though you have no idea as to where or who you want to be? Sometimes I feel that, and I can’t shake it. I have no idea how things will play out for me, but I know that at this very moment, it is what it is and more or less, life is good. I am in search of the immediately unattainable, the closure and certainty of being at complete peace with myself. I am searching for something, seeking some kind of answers or resolutions to justify the daily grind. These thoughts resonate in my mind and illuminate my conscience. Like Talib Kweli’s album, life has been a beautiful struggle, and I damn well doubt that’ll change anytime soon.

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